People decide to come to counselling for a variety of reasons. Some want to use the session to reflect on or review a situation, others want more focused help with something that they recognise as a problem, or simply support in a painful time. One or two sessions may be enough, though in most cases counsellor and client will agree to meet on a short-term basis, for between 4-10 sessions. They come at various stages of 'readiness to change', - from being unsure whether they want any change at all, to being ready to make plans and carry them out, and this is something that we recognise.

Visiting a counsellor is not like going to see a doctor or other 'expert' where you can expect to be advised, instructed or directed. Although some of us use structured approaches, with exercises or even homework, power is more equally shared. We do our best to understand with you what you want to achieve, and help you to achieve it. The clearer a clinical problem, the more likely we will be to suggest a structured approach. Sometimes this can also mean gently drawing your attention to ways in which you frustrate your own hopes and plans, or avoid feelings.

Most of the time together is spent talking, but it will be different from the conversations that you are used to. We spend much of our time listening while you talk, trying to understand how you experience your life, and what is happening for you. Reflecting back what we have heard allows you to 'hear' your own voice in a different way, and check how well we have understood you, which often leads to elaboration or clarification. We may also suggest other possible ways of construing events or issues. We have no interest in judging what kind of person you are; our aim is to help you understand yourself better. Our experience is that this allows people to live more choiceful, realistic and satisfying lives.

In everyday life it is common to hear others say that 's/he made me angry' or 'they provoked me to do this'. A good moan can be therapeutic sometimes, but in counselling we more often encourage you to take responsibility for your feelings and behaviour.

There is an important difference between saying...

'this makes me depressed' and 'I feel depressed when this happens'.

As long as you believe the former, you will have to wait for things to change before you can feel better. With the latter you can begin to understand what you say to yourself to bring about feelings of depression, and possible ways to change this. Of course culture, politics, social groups, family and friends all impact on us, but it is a two way process, and looking at the ways that patterns, themes, feelings and behaviour recur in our lives can give a new perspective and greater choice.

Sometimes the way we respond to things and events is because of things and what we learnt in our earlier, younger selves. Your counsellor may want to explore these things with you because the decisions made, or understandings developed at these times, are still impacting on how you view yourself or others. Revisiting these can be useful, you can understand why you do or feel the way you do and you have the opportunity to reframe experiences in a more helpful way.

Finally, some practical matters. We expect you to be on time for appointments, and if you are not able to attend, to let us know in good time. This is important as others may be waiting for an appointment. You are encouraged to express your feelings, but aggressive behaviour is not acceptable, nor will violence to another person be condoned. Attending while you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol is not appropriate, as these substances tend to mask true thoughts and feelings. Smoking on the premises is not allowed, and we request that mobile phones are turned off during the meeting, so that there are no distractions.

In return for your consideration we endeavour to be fully available to you during the session, and to offer confidentiality promising not to discuss what we have heard in a way which could identify you, unless you have given your written permission for us to do so.

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